“So I said to myself: what would God do in this situation?”.“Lisa, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”*.And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to Communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. ![]() Burns: if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. Moe: Oh, you mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush? Homer: Barney!? That was me! And I'd do it again. Carl: You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement? Barney: Or that telemarketing scam you pulled? Homer: Uh. But first I need to hear about some other crimes to get me fired up. Lenny? Lenny: You saying you want to commit a crime, Homer? Homer: Maybe. Any of you involved in any illegal activity? Cause I could sure go for some. Homer: (Wearing an FBI listening device.) Hey, see you're watching the ball game. Burns: ( Pointing to a display case) Oh, you'll find this amusing: the suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in. Homer: We better do what he says!įBI Agent: They'll be back. Turn back immediately or we will be unable to prosecute you. I say we just act snooty to Americans for ever.įBI Agent: Attention, fugitives. Should we complain to someone? Frenchman 2: No. And for what? Aid to ungrateful foreigners, do-nothing nuclear missiles, tomb polish for some unknown soldier.įrenchman 1: Well, this is a kick in the knickers. Every year you make hardworking Joes like my reporter friend pay income taxes. Burns: I'm not the thief the government is. ![]() Burns: That intrepid lad is my great-grandfather,ğranklin Jefferson Burns, tossing that without a care for what the caffeine would do to the Finway Flounder. Homer: Does this make me look fat? Lisa: No, it makes you look like a tool of government oppression. Homer: You don't know how big the government is. Homer: Walk?! That wasn't part of the deal! Homer: I can't go to prison! They pee in a cup and throw it on you! I saw it in a movie! FBI Agent: You won't be seeing any prison movies where you're going: prison!įBI Agent: Let's take a walk. Moe: Hey, how did they finger Charlie? Somebody must've ratted him out! Homer: Oh, that's ridiculous, Moe. You mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush? Homer: Barney?! That was me! And I'd do it again. ![]() Carl: You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement? Barney: Or that telemarketing scam you pulled? Homer: Uh, like those. Homer: Any of you involved in any illegal activity? 'Cause I could sure go for some! FBI Agent: (shocked at his blatant methods) Oh, God! Homer: How about you, Lenny? Testing, testing. Homer: Marge, how many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count, I'll just estimate. Homer: ( Filling out his tax return) Okay, Marge, if anybody asks, you require 24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people and Bart was wounded in Vietnam. Homer: ( Running a stoplight) If I don't see it, it's not illegal! ![]() Homer: Shut up, shut up! If I don't hear you, it's not illegal! Homer: It's hard to believe there's a place worse than America, but we found it. This fog is so thick I can't see my own cataracts. Burns: Oppression and harassment are a small price to pay to live in the land of the free. Milhouse: ( Posing shirtless while photographing himself) My shirt fell off. Todd: Daddy, what do taxes pay for? Ned: Why, everything! Policemen, trees, sunshine, and let's not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God bless 'em. The harder you push, the faster we will all get out of here. Homer: Would you look at those morons? I paid my taxes over a year ago!Ĭhief Wiggum: Alright, people, listen up.
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